Dealing with the Death of a Loved One

Written by Lady T

Dear Lord, I'm devastated and my heart is broken. Why have you taken my loved one away from me? How am I supposed to go on without this person who was my rock, my mentor, my joy and reason for living?"

What we forget is that we are children of God and we belong to Him. We do not own our parents, children, siblings, spouses or friends. God chooses to put them in our lives and they will only be here on earth until the Lord calls them home. Likewise, our time on earth is limited and we will only be here until He calls us home to serve His purpose in Heaven.

The natural order of things is that our parents should precede us in death. Despite incredible advances in medicine and medical procedures over the past couple decades, the average life expectancy is 70 years. We need to prepare ourselves to watch our parents grow elderly as their physical and mental health may decline. More importantly we need to prepare ourselves to step in and make legal decisions on their behalf if they become incapacitated.

Age does not guarantee us life. There are babies, children and younger adults dying every second due to accidents or natural causes. None of us is immortal. Never take for granted that your loved ones will wake in the morning. We need to cherish our family members, spouses, friends and other loved ones while they are with us. We need to take every opportunity to hug them and tell them we love them. We need to take pictures with them at our happiest times and always take mental pictures to preserve precious moments. 

Always be mindful of your interactions with your loved ones because they may be your last. One of the worst things, from which you may never recover, is having an argument or unpleasant exchange with a loved one only to find that person passed away and you'll never have the opportunity to apologize. It's too late to tell someone you're sorry after they're gone.

So how do you overcome the death of a loved one? All you can do is remember and appreciate the time you had with them. You have to find new norms in your life. If you shared a home with that person and the memories are too painful, pack up their clothing and belongings and give them to charity. Rearrange or replace things such as furniture that will be a constant reminder of that person's absence. Replace routines you shared with that person with new and exciting routines. For example, if you routinely met up on a certain day every week or month for dinner, use that day to meet up with friends or relatives.

Your life must go on. It's only natural to reminisce and cry at times, but don't allow yourself to become so overwhelmed with grief that you sit for hours staring blankly out the window; or seclude yourself from the people you normally associate with; or stop doing necessary things to preserve your health and well-being, such as working, eating and caring for your physical hygiene. If you find yourself emotionally or mentally stuck, speak to a licensed therapist or psychiatrist. If you find yourself spiritually stuck, speak to your pastor or visit churches until you find one you want to join. If you find yourself physically ill, see your family physician. The important thing is to take action to find solutions for whatever ails you.

​Always lean on God. He's available for you 24 hours every day of the year. He's never too busy and He is always forgiving. Let God be your strength to get you through the grief and lean into him for understanding.